Correcting The 3 Common Errors Men Make In Dating
By Kristen Mae Lee
October 6, 2008
When you start dating a new girl, you create a negative dynamic of fear and jealousy within her by doing certain things that you seem compelled to want to do. You say you are just being yourself, but in fact, there are so many things you expect from the girl's you date that the least you can do is give her some of what she needs too. If you want to have fun with a girl, you will need to feed her on the most primal levels in the ways that she needs. And that is not about you. There are only three big things every woman needs in order to be THE COOL CHICK you want her to be - fun, relaxed, hot and sexy, and making you proud. But these three things don't come from anywhere else except from you because you create the dynamic you have with each and every girl you meet by how you treat her...
1) BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM is crucial for women because all girls have insecurities. Yes, even the most beautiful and coolest chicks have an innate need to FEEL appreciated by others. BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM is done with words, body language, and behaviors. When you are with your new doll, make her feel good about herself by giving her the positive reinforcement she needs through your words, body language and behaviors.
Do these key things and she will feel great about herself with you, which in turn is only good news for you!
WORDS - Compliment her as often as you think positive thoughts about her. Compliment her whenever you notice that she seems to want it. Compliment her when you know it is the right time you should be complimenting her. All guys KNOW they are "supposed" to do this.
So why would you intentionally withhold something so simple that will inevitably hurt her and then, in turn, cause you drama you don't want, is beyond logic?
BODY LANGUAGE - Touch her face. Touch her arm. Hug her. Hold her. Listen to her intently. Watch her when she is talking and watch her even when she is busy doing something and doesn't even know you're looking. ENJOY HER. Look at how sexy, attractive, and interesting she is. Appreciate her for all that makes her unique and special. Above all else, that is the one thing that a woman wants to feel and know you can appreciate about her. When you show her through your body language, you connect with her on a subconsciously primal level.
BEHAVIORS - Every single guy knows not to check out or flirt with other girls in front of their girl. So why do you guys do it anyway?! It is the stupidest and worst thing you can do. Then, later, you get mad at her for being jealous.
When you give off the vibe to other girls that you are available, you create insecurity and jealous in your girl. When you flirt, get secret text messages, talk to other girls, lie about other girls, gawk at other chicks, talk about how great some other girl is, all of these things cause your woman to doubt your abilities to MAKE HER YOUR NUMBER ONE GIRL.
If she is not your priority, then she knows it instinctively and it will infect and destroy any chance of having a good time you ever had with her. Your own behavior is what establishes your dynamic with her.
She is looking to you to see who you are. She watches your behaviors and she experiences them through the emotions she feels when you say and do everything. If your behavior is above reproach, committed for right now to her and only her, making her feel good and proud to be by your side, then and only then can you experience her as she really is because her survival instincts are not kicked into overdrive fighting her, telling her you are a bad investment of her time, even just for today.
If you've ever experienced jealousy from a girl, inventory your behaviors because I guarantee you the "why" is because you MAKE her insecure with YOUR behaviors, words and body language. Alternatively, if she thinks you see and APPRECIATE HER as she really is and that you are the guy who can MAKE HER FEEL GOOD FOR HER UNIQUENESS, then you will have her devotion. When you have her devotion, then she will not complain, nag, or even feel like she needs anything else from you because she is getting the ONE THING SHE REALLY NEEDS.
2) BE HONEST. One of the major mistakes men make in dating is to lie to their girl(s). If you lie, you have to expect consequences and repercussions for that bad behavior. Imagine if she lied to you. Imagine what it feels like whenever anyone lies to you. That betrayal creates animosity and anger and undermines any positivity that could or would have been there between two people. When you tell her you are not talking to other girls, you better not be. If you ARE in fact talking to other girls, just be honest with her. She is perfectly capable and perfectly willing to talk to other guys too and you have no right to take away her options and plan B's if you are keeping your options open. When you do that, you are setting yourself up for the drama that is to come.
Additionally, letting a girl know that you have commitment issues, you are not sure about how you feel about her yet, you are not sure what you want with her allows her to see that you are not needy and desperate. Women like that. Women like the chase just as much as men do, but women just need it in different ways. We need to feel safe and appreciated. You need to create in her the feeling that she CAN trust you or she won't.
If you want to sow your wild oats, tell her. There are plenty of available girls ready and willing to offer you exactly what you want. If this girl is cool with that too, and if she is interested in you, that is her choice and her right to choose.
But, when you steal that right from her by lying or telling her what she wants to hear, you are ruining her ability to trust you or anyone else. And that means that all those girls you have had problems with have been betrayed by a man or more and that is why she acts the ways she does with you. You need to build that trust in her by proving to her that you are honest, building a bridge for her to cross to get to you and not burning it down along the way.
3) Spend quality time doing things you both enjoy with each other and making that time good for her too. Let her enjoy your time together, on her terms, in ways she enjoys.
If she is happy, she will make you happy too. If she is unhappy, she will make you unhappy too. Every guy needs to understand that all girls have the charm and ability to be exactly what you need. The ONLY things that make one girl not the perfectly right girl for you is that you are not giving that girl what she needs, so she isn't giving you back what you need. It is a two-way street.
Each time there is a problem with you not doing the things that feed her good things is another notch in the belt of your next drama being inevitable. Whenever she feels starved for getting what SHE wants, she will begin to instinctively return the favor by starving you of the things you want, like freedom, fun, sex, and relaxation because you created no other choice.
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FUN WITH HER;
MAKE HER FEEL GOOD ABOUT HERSELF,
MAKE HER FEEL SAFE,
MAKE HER FEEL ADMIRED AND APPRECIATED,
SHOW HER THAT YOU KNOW WHAT IS UNIQUE AND SPECIAL ABOUT HER, DIFFERENT AND ABOVE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE.
It is bad to be clingy before you know each other completely. She will think you are shallow and/or desperate.
It is bad to be uninterested or on guard with her. She will think you have commitment issues. She will not be able to feel safe with you or trust you.