FLIRTING
Overall, my opinion of dating is that it depends on the
people who are in a relationship and on the people doing the flirting.
These are some specifics to open your perception of how
flirting can adversely affect human dynamics.
Some people flirt to see if they CAN get that person.
Some people cheat.
Some people flirt with virtually everyone remotely
attractive to get an ego boost.
Some people flirt because they are bored with their life.
Some people don't even think about it and randomly flirt.
Some people push limits.
Some people don't.
Some people think innocent flirting when you will never see
that person again is ok.
Some people think flirting with someone you see a lot is ok
as long as you don't have sex with that person.
Some people think having sex with everyone anytime is ok.
Some people think that collecting phone numbers is fun.
Some people would never even be thinking about seeing the
person they are flirting with again.
Everyone is totally different, so it depends on the people
and the nature of their relationship and their mutual commitments to each other
for whether or not flirting is acceptable for both of them. It also depends on
the other person (Òthe flirteeÓ) and what that person is like, seeking
from/with the flirting, willing to do with Òthe flirteeÓ, etc. Strangers
shouldnÕt be trusted in case they donÕt respect the relationship, particularly
if they donÕt even know there is a relationship in place (which is Òthe
flirtÕsÓ responsibility to make known).
Ss far as i am concerned, as long as everyone involved is on
the same page so there aren't any negative dynamics created by legitimately
innocent flirting and it's just a momentary non-physical exchange in public,
that's ok.
But for me, it becomes a problem when the two flirting do
more than flirt or end up talking about more, end up having sex, end up dating
later on, etc. while that "rapport" was being built during my
relationship, or in front of me where I have to see it, or in front of my
friends who are then caught in the middle feeling uncomfortable!
Flirting can lead to more and that is why flirting can be
perceived as a red flag. I prefer a man who is not a flirt, but of course, that
is hard to find because attractive people get flirted with by more random people!
The fact that flirting builds rapport is exactly what
bothers people about flirting. That dynamic and the connection built between
two people during the flirtation process is what creates the opportunity and
the situations that lead to cheating. Flirting is also a large factor that
creates mistrust, fear, insecurity and negative emotions in the other person.
And if a person flirts with SOME people but not all people
equally, then there is a reason for that flirting that is conspicuous in a
relationship which the victim of Òthe flirtÓ does subconsciously notice, so
that negative feeling accumulates within their subconscious, whether he or she
chooses to discuss or even acknowledge it or not.
While I do not want my man to have those exchanges with other
women, I do understand that flirting happens and I am certainly a flirt myself.
I believe a certain amount of harmless flirting is ok between two people who
both grasp the concept that they are NOT going to mess around, kiss, have sex,
or be together. The problem is that most people do not think the way I do. I am
totally 100% faithful and above reproach. I have never cheated and I feel VERY
strongly that cheating is totally wrong and a horrible thing to do to anyone
for any reason.
Plus, I actually think it is hotter to shut people down
before things even get started whereas most people push right up to the
boundary lines almost crossing over them.
I am a huge flirt, but I offer my mate 100% of my attention
to the intentional exclusion of other men as a gift to show my devotion. For
me, I think it is sexier for a person to be so devoted to their mate that they
don't even care or notice other people. Mutual ownership a kink of mine. For
example, we go out to a bar and I am dressed sexy, men notice me and try to get
me to look at them, lock eyes for even a moment. That is an adrenaline rush for
me and for them, contemplating the sexual chemistry at that moment between the
two of us. Instead of instigating that adrenaline rush, I make it into a game NOT
to even look at any other men except for my man and I even dote on my man more
so the other men in the room are jealous of what my man has. This is the
respect I offer and the respect I seek from a man I will date. I personally
offer that respect MOST of the time and I'm consciously aware that people think
I am a flirt, so I do try to curb it all the time because I do not need that
dynamic.
I think a lot of other people need some kind of approval,
validation, ego boost, or excitement in their life and that is why flirting is
so rampant in our society. I have lived a profoundly surreal life with
unbelievable experiences so I feel that may be a large contributing factor to
my personal ability to curb the flirting and offer that total devotion and kink
to my partner. Plus, I lost a great man once because my flirtatious nature
destroyed his ability to trust me, even though I never cheated. I KNOW I can
get any man I want, but I CHOOSE to be with only one man. IF the one I am with
ends up being a jerk or not treating me right, I leave. But, while I am with
him, I am totally devoted to only him in the quest for the last man who will
ever touch me, which is the only one man I want touching me.
Also, another philosophy of mine is that ANYONE can get
anyone they want. It is in the energy exchange that two people have when they
are near each other. Think about this, someone you didnÕt even care to notice
before looks at you in such a way that you suddenly notice them looking at you.
Even if you werenÕt originally thinking about being with that person, you DO
consider it. that is human nature. It is within that exchange that ugly people
hook up with hot people. The hot person enjoys the way the other person makes
them feel. it is that simple. If you can make someone FEEL good about themself,
then you CAN get that person. The next step is to decide if you really LIKE the
person!
In closing, if you want others to trust you, you have to
behave in trustworthy ways. Energy has a way of expressing itself whether you
think you can hide what you do or not, dirty laundry always has a way of
getting itself aired. The subconscious mind is a very powerful element within
human dynamics in relationships. Interactions that leave hurtful images or
feelings in your mate will always come back to haunt you one way or another.
So, be respectful of your mate whether you may get caught or not, whether your
mate is around or not, whether you know Òthe flirteeÓ or not, whether you feel
like doing the right thing or not, because doing the right thing makes you a
good person and good kharma is better than bad kharma!