Cheating starts off innocent more often than not. 66% of men cheat with a co-worker 46% of women cheat with a co-worker. Half of those men said they were happily married. 75% of affair marriages get divorced.
Here is an example of how a person could be perfectly faithful and love their partner and still end up cheating.
You see a new person at work. The person is attractive. You notice, but you donŐt really think about it. You continue on with your day.
A few days later you see this person in the break room. A conversation is already in progress, so you two exchange a few words of courtesy and during the group conversation you learn that their name is Z.
Week later, you are out at a work lunch and there is a big group from work there. Z is there. You two talk a little more over lunch, while everyone is talking in a perfectly acceptable group from work environment.
Then, you bump into Z outside the bathroom one day and say hi to each other.
Next week you and Z have some work related reason to talk that is part of your job.
Break room conversations and seeing each other around the office is pretty regular.
Another work lunch and you two end up talking again. Now you two are becoming work friends. Work friends are ok. There is nothing wrong with that. WeŐre just talking.
Then, youŐre just flirting. WeŐre friends. I can have a friend. ThereŐs nothing wrong with that.
One day, Z is moving and some folks from work are going to help out. You help too. You and Z accidentally brush up against each other while moving stuff in and out of ZŐs home.
Next you and Z still see each other at work every day and on work lunches. You are chummy. ZŐs cool and fun. You like the way you feel around Z. You two talk sometimes. ThereŐs nothing wrong with that.
You and Z go to lunch a few times, hang out a few times, you help Z with something a ZŐs new place. You and Z talk. YouŐre friends. ItŐs ok to be friends. ThereŐs nothing wrong with that.
You and your mate arenŐt getting along so well. You and Z get along great. You feel more connected to Z than to your mate anyway. All it takes is one moment to kiss. All it takes is one moment of weakness to give in to your desires. And all the opportunity, attraction and connection is already there. Then, you say, ŇOh my God, how did this happen?!!! I didnŐt mean for it to happen. I didnŐt plan this. It just sort of happened. Oh my, what am I gonna do now? I canŐt believe I cheated.Ó
And that is how cheating happens most often. So, how did it happen? What caused the cheating? Your way of thinking is what caused it. You wanted it to happen. You made it happen. You let it happen. We all want to think we deserve certain rewards for being who we are. Afterall, I am a good person, desirable, sexy, good enough, and not doing anything wrong. The problem is that you took the focus off your goal and put it on something else. Your goal is being good enough, being a good person, being happy, having a good relationship, but you got sidetracked when you met this person because it felt good. You let moments overtake everything else in your life. Now all you can focus on is how you ruined your perfect record. People who cheat are simply people who forgot why NOT to cheat at the moments it matters most. Justifying it to yourself as you go is how you got there because you lower your tolerance for your behaviors. Pushing the line, going right up to the line, then crossing the line.
Having moments with someone you would want to be with if you were single IS cheating. ItŐs not just about the sex. And in fact, your mate is more upset about the moments and the connections you made than the sex. We all feel urges to have sex at one point or another so we can excuse that in our head because we can understand it. What a victim of cheating canŐt seem to get over is the moments they have floating around in their head of you two together. Those are moments stolen from your partner and given to someone else. And that is the devastating part of being cheated on. Taking focus away from your partner causes cheating. Being around people you are attracted to alone, no matter what is nothing more that an opportunity to cheat.
HOW CAN YOU HEAL FROM BEING CHEATED ON
Wrap yourself up in a big fluffy blanket and eat ice cream! Well, after that you will just feel fat and depressed, so that is probably not the most constructive way to heal yourself from being cheated on.
Here are some other ideas:
Get involved in local groups, with friends, make new friends separate from the cheater, create experiences in your life that you can be excited about looking forward to, and live the life you have always dreamed of, starting today.
Go to healing classes and healing workshops and people who do healings. Read about healing and do the work to heal your life. Change your way of thinking, and become a better person for your future, so that you can have healthier and happier relationships. Focus on YOU, not on the cheater.
Go to counseling, talk to people, talk to your friends and family. Get the thoughts and feelings out of your system in whatever ways come naturally for you, in healthy and constructive ways. Build yourself back up.
It is absolutely imperative that you separate yourself from that person as much as possible. You donŐt have to make any permament decisions right away, but you do need time to heal and think about your future.
Do not bury yourself into just one thing, like work, or endlessly talking or one hobby. Becoming obsessive in one area of your life is not healthy. Focus on going through the steps of this workshop, even if you did it before. Use the tools specifically for what is going on in your life at that time.
If you choose to even think about staying with your mate, you need to think about the situation logically to decide if you honestly believe it is a one-time freak incident. Also, if you actually caught this person in bed with someone else, then it is much harder to make the relationship work afterward because you will always remember that image.